I find that at the start of the New Year, particularly a landmark year (like 16,18,21,25, etc.), I tend to become a little down in the mouth. This past year has been a wonderful year, we added a new dog to the family, we celebrated our second anniversary and our first anniversary of living together. We became close friends with new people, we fought and made up and strove to be better people. In this up coming year I will be turning 30, it's a milestone, to be sure, and I look back at those lists I made when I was younger thinking about how different my life is as compared to what my expectations were. When I was 16, I though I'd be married with 3 children by now; when I was 18 I thought I'd be married with at least two children and established in my career; when I was 21 I thought I'd be married with one child and have an established career; when I was 25 I thought I'd be established in my career and perhaps be married, but that I would never ever have children. Now, here comes 30, and I have changed my career path from art to law, been engaged and then not engaged, and am now living with my Love in freezing cold New England talking about buying houses and watching my friends and cousins get married and have babies. It is very different from where I thought I'd be and what I thought I'd be doing by now. This stark difference is all the more apparent with the impending marriage of L & C this weekend. They are young, beautiful and starry eyed in love, an sharp difference from Ry & I who are older, wiser, more tired and more practical. (i.e. In response to expensive invitations: "I can totally do that myself, I'm crafty." When hearing about the lovely table decorations being done by a florist "That sounds easy, I bet I could get everything at Michael's or a wholesale place on-line for half the cost and put them together in no time!") (***Of course, everything was sooo beautiful, on second thought, I'm not sure I could ave done any of it myself!***)
So they are marrying at the weekend in what promises to be a lovely affair, I finally bought a dress today for the event. (Green, an appropriate color, don't you think?)I will be borrowing black pumps from a friend of mine and have a black wrap to cover my unsightly arms (it is winter after all). I think it will be a lovely event, but I know myself, and I know that I am about 80% happy for them and about 20%jealous. It's okay, I know that their path is not the same as mine, but sometimes that smidgen of jealousy wells up inside me and and makes me a little sad.
That being said, I ma looking forward to this year. Ry graduates from law school, we're taking our first long vacation together, I'm going skiing for the first time and law school is winding down. So even though, I'm a teeny bit sad and a teeny bit jealous, I am also excited for a year of firsts, first time skiing, Ry's first job as an attorney and our first real vacation together. So, Happy New Year I hope you all have something to look forward to, despite the little stumbling blocks that we all come across.