Gym Story

The gym I go to is in the heart of the downtown area, it’s the only place to exercise that is within walking distance to many of the offices here, so most of the people that come and go, do so between noon and one, and are normal business type people. Occasionally though, you get a weirdie. For instance, a few days ago, a little old Chinese man in khaki pants, a white undershirt, wool socks and Birkenstock sandal was just pedaling away on the recumbent bike. That was the first time I’d seen him and haven’t seen him since, however seeing an aged Chinese man in street clothes pedaling his heart out on an exercise bike is a bit startling. Then we have the attorney who wears short-shorts (I mean really short, horrifyingly short) and reads the paper while he leisurely pedals along on a standing exercycle. There’s the runner who when he’s finished on the treadmill stretches out in front of the ladies on the elliptical machines in a desperate attempt to have someone, anyone pay attention to him. There’s a young man who, when he runs on the treadmill turns it up so high that he has to grip the back of it so he can keep up and force himself to continue to run. There are two ladies, one heavy one thin who discuss in the locker room how thin the one lady is and when they work out, the heavy one doesn’t even bother to put her hair up because she moves at a snails pace on the elliptical and therefore never sweats. I guess the thin one doesn’t have the heart to tell her, that she probably needs to get the old heart rate up to lose some weight. The best so far, however, was yesterday. Yesterday the all the elliptical machines were taken, so T and I did the stair climber, the bikes and the treadmill, kind of like a gym triathalon. We’re on the stair climber when suddenly someone’s cell phone rings. Yes, you read it correctly; someone had brought their cell phone with them to work out. I can accept that under certain circumstances, like you’re waiting for a verdict to be returned, your wife is due to go into labor soon, your husband is coming out of surgery (although I don’t know why you’d be at the gym instead of the hospital, but still) or something along those lines. So, the phone rings and I look over and it’s some forty year old faux-blond woman in fluorescent orange shortie-shorts and a white tank top, and she answers the phone. The ensuing conversation is something along the lines of a woman giving an order to either a dog or her husband. I’m going to guess it was her husband because she didn’t strike me as the kind of person that would train her dog to dial the phone that would take too much time away from her “me time”. Then she hangs up, tucks the bottom of her tank top into the top of her tank top…you know that look, that kind of ‘80’s dance video meets low-end prostitute look? (They used to do it with t-shirts in the ‘80s) The kind of look that a kid of a teenager could pull off, but on a a 40-something looks like a desperate attempt at trying to be young and super-hot. Anyway, that’s what happened, and then T and I went to the bikes. Then the phone rings, again and she answers it, again. On this call she is talking in all sweet sounds and words, I heard things like “I love you so much” and “Well that’s why I have all this love for you.” (This is clearly not a verdict coming in.) Then she does the unthinkable, she gets off the elliptical and sits on the weight bench in the middle of the gym to toss her hair and finish her call. She does not go into the locker room for a private conversation or even out to the deck to be alone. (There is hardly any one ever on the deck.) No, she makes herself as visible as possible by sitting on the weight bench in the middle of the gym. At first I gave her the benefit of the doubt, thinking she must intend to continue her workout after the call. Nope. She finished the call and then went in the locker room to shower, change back into her street clothes, and leave the gym. T and I looked at each other, and then suddenly T shouted, “LOOK AT MEEEEEEEE!!! LOOK AT MEEEEEEE!!! I’M VERY BUSY AND IMPORTANT!!!” Perfect.